Croatian Tales of Long Ago - Ris

- Toma, mate, you are not listening to me. It was not a lynx. There's no lynx that large. There’s no lynx that laughs! This thing, Toma, mate, this thing laughed while chasing me through the woods. And the laughter... it made my bowels loosen.
- Lovre, my man, I think you should lay off the booze.
- I wasn't drunk! Didn't even have my morning brew.
- Aha! That's why you were off your kilter.
- Y’know, Toma, if there was a race, you and your gigantic ass would surely serve that beast well to sharpen its claws.
- I piss on your empty threats. I am an innkeeper, I don’t ever have to leave my yard if I don’t want to. Can just grow my ass until it’s so gloriously huge that I cannot pass through the gate.
- But, mate, don’t you remember, just the other day, the new logger encountered a cat-woman in the woods north of here. She caught him with his pants down and clawed his leg to shreds. His tight looks like finely sliced tripe, saw it with my own eyes. The beast came close to slicing his pecker, ey! And I hear that the miller’s boy talks about a monster with huge, pointy teeth.
- Know what, Lovre. I don't care for that new guy. He gets caught with his pants down way too often. It's good someone whooped his philandering ass. Taught him a lesson, if you ask me. Not that you do. And don’t get me started on the miller’s boy. Kid's as looney as they come. You can see he never got a good ass-whooping. And, if you ask me, they should put him to work, God knows they have enough of it to go around, and not let him wander around like a bum. Not that you do. And when I get hold of that yappy mongrel of his, I'll fry it and crunch it down like a lil chick.
- Mate, if you mess with the kid's dog, you won't have an ass on which the lynx-woman could sharpen her claws. You know how weird they are about their animals. That entire clan of theirs wouldn't rest until they made you wear your ass as a gloriously fat hat.
- Know what, they can kiss my ass kindly, every one of them. And your lynx-lady as well. I think I would rather enjoy a kiss from her, if you ask me. Not that you do.